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September 30th, 2008 11:55 pm
[ mood | exhausted ]

I am still up, I need to read more of my book, and I am exhausted, and yet here I am.

My best friend Julia has a boyfriend.  Julia and I go to Rutgers, which is in New Jersey.  Kirill goes to Duke, which is in North Carolina.  Julia and I both live in New Jersey year round.  Kirill actually lives in Michigan, which is still no where near Julia.  However, they have been going out for 10 months.  Kirill gives her so much nonsense to the point where she doesn't even care anymore.  He is the first person she has ever said "I love you" to and yet he never can find the time to come visit her even though she pays the money to fly out and see him.  When she finds deals for him he tells her "I dont know".

Why is she torturing herself?  It is just nonsense.  She says she loves him and he is the best guy she has ever dated, but this is way too much to put her through.  She could be dating any guy she wants to here, but she is sticking it out with Kirill.  Julia is a romantic like me, but even I would get way too fed up with this to stick with it.

Me?  I'm not with Garrett, for now.  Garrett won't date me because we are not the same religion.  But he adores me, he tells me I'm beautiful and amazing every single day.  We had sleep overs 3 times last week alone and we make out more than any non-couple should.  And I adore him.  But why am I doing this?  I'm in a relationship without the actual title.  I could spend every minute with Garrett and never get bored.  He is amazing, one of the best friends I have ever had.  I really can't help it.  And this is the first time that I haven't told my mother something like this; she thinks Garrett is close-minded because of the whole religion thing.  But I don't know.  I have way too much self respect to let him mess with me, but this just seems so much different.  And everyone tells me how head over heels he is for me.  Am I really doing this?  Am I defending a guy who won't date me?  Am I an idiot? 

Yeah, I really really like him.  I don't want to give this up.  He really does spend all of his free time with me.  Every single second we can spare not working or being in class we are together.  Even when the other is on duty we are at each other's dorms keeping each other company.  

That's it, I'm defending him.  But for right now, I don't care, I am extremely happy.

What was the point of all this?  Nothing.  I'm watching Sex and the City and I felt the need to talk about mine and my girl friend's guy problems.

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August 15th, 2008 9:37 pm
I'm waiting, waiting for nothing. [
[ mood | exhausted ]

So what has my summer consisted of? :

- An $800 trip to Disney in which I fainted, so essentially I paid to stay in bed.
- An extremely hot trip to New Orleans, in which we stayed in a very swanky hotel where the beds were perfect for my well-needed vacation.
- An internship at a hospital in which I actually did learn a lot about the medical world.
- Random trips to NYC, Philly, and DC.
- Way too much time spent at Primo.
- At least two days a week with Lauren.
- The death of my cat that I had for 12 years and raised from a kitten.
- A new kitten in the house to make up for my sadness.
- A sprained hand, but time well spent with my team.
- A sore body thanks to that well spent time.
- Being absolutely ready to get back to school.
- Answering a billion questions from obnoxious freshmen.
- Teenage pregnancy and a new guilty pleasure.
- My sister's wicked attitude problem and obnoxious boyfriend.
- Lots of Sex and the City.
- Crying way too much when olympic gymnastics came on.
- No trips from Miss Ferris.
- Crazy ambitions involving bed-time peals.
- Brendon Urie and Michael Phelps love.
- RA pre-duties (I cannot bring myself to make any more things for my bulletin boards).
- Shopping...duh.
- Reading every book in my bookcase that I never got around to reading and then some.
- Aches and pains.

I guess it doesn't sound like all that much, but I feel like the summer went by extremely fast so I must have filled it up with enough to keep myself occupied.

This is going to sound completely dumb, but after seeing the Sex and the City movie, I have felt better about myself.  Yes, they are characters on a TV show, but they are 4 women who live in Manhattan, have the jobs they want, the men they want, the lives they want, and are just completely fabulous. 

After that, I decided that I need to be like them.  I need to enjoy my life and feel good about myself all the time.  Also, I need to look great and feel great.  I need to go out and get exactly what I want for myself and just be happy.  Hence, this started mine and Lauren's quest to be "fabulous".  In all honesty, I have felt better than myself than I ever have after all that.  It's ridiculous to think that Sarah Jessica Parker has had this effect on me.  I want to be happy with my life just like Carrie is with hers.  And when I hit a speed bump, I need to recover like she does.  Hopefully I will finally be able to keep it all together and be happy this year.  Nothing to stand in my way.  No freaking out about school, family, friends, and boys.  Just doing what makes me happy and staying fabulous.  Let's see if it works.

I head out to school Tuesday.  Let's go...

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July 27th, 2008 6:57 pm
No one ever said it would be so hard... [
[ mood | drained ]

Sometimes you just have the urge to slap someone.  You find out things that you never wanted to know or didn't think it would happen or that someone is just so much better than what they are and you just want to slap someone.  It's just so frustrating.

As Emily put it, I was assaulted into a party at Cathleen's last night.  It was her life's mission to get me to her house last night.  She told me about it on facebook and then called me from Dan's phone to make sure I was coming.  So I went over with Emily and we weren't planning to stay that long but I ended up getting home at 2:00 am.  Whatever, she Cathleen was trashed so she was very easy to put up with. Mostly, Emily, Dan and I just talked about how amazing The Dark Knight was.

I only get PG Brian...

I wasted my day shopping.  After 5 hours of sleep, my mom woke me up at 8:00 and we were on the road to Deleware for outlet shopping by 9:30.  I got a lot of things, but accomplished nothing for the day.

I just got paid on friday, so as soon as I put that pay check in the bank I am ordering my new iPod.

You - ask me what went wrong.
Me - I'll write you this last song.
Please - just tell me one way we can win.
One - more thing before I go,
Two - the one who loves me so,
Three - don't make me count to three again.
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July 23rd, 2008 5:10 pm
You make me laugh, you make me cry. I don't know which side to buy... [
[ mood | good ]

Yes.  I am listening to Miley Cyrus.  And yes, I love it.  I have been singing this song in my head all day.  It's so damn catchy.  I'm totally going to download it.

So I deleted all of my Fall Out Boy icons and replaced a few of them with Sex and the City icons, which I needed.  I want them all to be Sex and the City icons.  Well not really, I need Gilmore Girls and Gossip Girl ones.  I think I am set to be fabulous for the rest of my life.

Kurt totally called me out the other day.  So I did it right back, but it threw me off.  Ugh, I just want to get to August training.

Heather called me on Monday and we were on the phone for an hour and fifteen minutes.  She kept talking and talking and talking and talking, haha.  I'm glad though, nothing has changed even though she's going to live with Danielle (gag) and I haven't seen her all summer.  I miss Heather, and Eileen, I want to see them both.

I am now in love with Chase Crawford from Gossip Girl.  I discovered him the other day, and he is gorgeous. 

I love painting my nails.  I have been staring at my newly painted black nails all day and I love them.

The Olympic team was finally named.  Shawn, Sam, and Alicia are all on the team, and they are who I wanted.  So I'm happy.  I'm anxiously awaiting for Nastia to choke and wondering why on earth Martha picked Bridget Sloan.

There is a huge storm rolling in.  Hopefully it won't be as humid anymore.  But the arthritis in my knee didn't hurt today so I'm not so sure it's going to do all that much.

After Gilmore Girls, I'm going to turn on Sex and the City and attempt to curl my hair.  Then I should work out.

I'm afraid that Marla is dying.  She has been dizzy all year and she faints a lot.  Her legs get all numb and she goes down.  They have run so many tests and they can't find anything wrong with her.  But today at work I discovered that Gardasil (the HPV shot) is killing people from the blood clots it causes (thank God I didn't get it).  But now I'm afraid that the Gardasil is killing her.  Well, it could be couldn't it?  If it's nothing else, it could be that.  But I will se her tomorrow.

I love being back at gymnastics.

I want to dye my hair again.

I'm able to get a new phone on September 6th and I am ready.  I'm getting the new LG Shine in red.  I will have to download my new, amazing Sex and the City theme song ring tone for it.  (Although my mother pointed out that Brian and I will no longer have twin phones, but I think I'll manage.)

Cherice is home, so I should really make an attempt to see her.  Although it's not Cherice anymore, it's Paul.  I'll call her that to her face, but she will always be Cherice to me.

Get me back to school please.

I love reading all the books that I have this summer and the pile of them that I still have to get through.  And I like finding more and more music that I like thanks to Sirius satellite radio.

I need to buy more clothes, Gossip Girl style.

Have you figured out my latest obsessions?

Bed time pearls...

The seven things I like about you -
Your hair, your eyes,
your old Levis.
When we kiss, I'm hypnotized.
You make me laugh, you make me cry,
but I guess that's both I'll have to buy.
Your hand in mine,
when we're intertwined
everything's alright.
I want to be, with the one I know.
And the seventh thing Ilike the most about you,
you make me love you.

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July 14th, 2008 4:18 pm
Everything is going wrong, but we're so happy... [
[ mood | tired ]

And it's only Monday...

I need to order my new iPod soon.  I've made a list of the music that I have on my computer that I want to put on it and it's already way over what I already have on my old one plus all the music that I have yet to add, and then when I get back to school the amount I have to download.  I can't wait to have my big, huge iPod to listen to all the time.

I need to sleep for like two days straight.  Then I might finally not be tired any more.

I forgot to pack sunscreen for this past weekend.  My left shoulder and neck are paying for it severely.

Went to Brian's for the weekend with Emily, Dave and Matt.  I still don't drink or smoke.  Oh well.  We were supposed to leave on Sunday morning but all agreed to leave Saturday afternoon cause we had had it.  Not a bad time in all though. 

Everyone keeps asking me when they find out about housing and when they need to move in, but I have no idea.

I can't go into any more book stores.  There is so much in my house that I want to read that I can't be tempted with anything else.

There was nothing for me to do at work today.  It was awful.

Have you ever been disenchanted with something you used to be crazy about? It's so crappy, hollow feeling.  (That was not about you...)

I just want to go back to school.

Heather has like no time to come down here.  It's so annoying.  I've been there so many times and she always has some excuse as to why she can't come here.  Whatever.

My mom just came in the door and scolded me for being mean to my sister.  Ugh...

All Ciaran does is talk and hang out with her boyfriend.  It's gonna suck for her when they break up.  She really needs to find some friends that she can tolerate.

My head has been clouded due to my weekend.  I had a plan, and now I don't.

I need a back massage or something...

...or more gymnastics.

I need to print out more of the pictures that I'm putting on my wall.

Tomorrow is my relaxing, fun day.  I can't wait for it.

This weekend at the Ron Paul march, we found a pair of Fendi sunglasses that I totally could have sold on eBay and gotten a ton of money for but someone came and claimed them.  Oh well.

Someone stop me from spending money.  I have a month to hold out til school starts.

It's going to be hot this week.  It needs to stop.

I was just reminded that it's Bastille Day.  How depressing.  It's not worth it unless I'm in Paris.

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July 2nd, 2008 9:08 pm
Love me cancerously... [
[ mood | calm ]

I think I love Edward Cullen by default.  Everyone else does.  But just kidding, I just love Robert Pattinson.

I have spent more time with Lauren this summer than I ever have, and I'm loving it.  I really should have realized that she is my best friend before now.  High school would have been a lot more enjoyable.  Last night she and Morgan came over and we had spa day and then watched the premier of The Secret Life of the American Teenager which is clearly the best new show on television (and by best, I mean worst) and I had an amazing time.  I should have been doing things like this my entire life.

I haven't talked to Rob in like 3 weeks.  And I don't really care either.  I don't get hurt anymore, it's quite convenient.  But yeah, I consider myself fully single now, and am using it to my full advantage.  I don't know what happened to me in college.  I'm not a slut, really I'm not, but once I'm done with one guy it's not hard to find another.  That sounds terrible, but hey, it's the only way I'm going to find someone that I really like. 

I like my job a lot.  I love working in the hospital.  I love sitting through lectures about renal diseases and bacterial infections.  I love playing with kids in inpatient pediatrics who have broken femurs and respiratory problems.  This is really what I want to do and I'm glad that I get the opportunity to test it out before I go right ahead and dive in.  Even though the third year med students told me not to go to medical school because every day they die a little bit inside...

I'm still obsessed with Sex and the City.  I have to buy some of the seasons on DVD so I can watch them at school whenever I want.  I also need the next season of Gilmore Girls.  I'm making a lot of money this summer because this job pays soooo much more than the gym and I have to work even harder not to spend it all.

I'm also reading a lot more.  I'm not at a book a week, but much more than I normally read over the summer.  I have no assigned summer reading and therefore get to read whatever I want and it's great.  I'm on my fourth book now.  And, of course, I'll have to leave time to read Harry Potter again.

We're going to New Orleans in August and I'm very excited.  I just hope I don't faint of heat exhaustion like I did in Disney.

I can't wait to go back to school for August training for being an RA.  I love all of my res life friends and am so excited to see them.  They are probably the people from school that I have been talking to the most other than Heather and Kyle.

And I'm back at gymnastics.  Only once a week, and Cait can only go for an hour at a time, Marla is too sick to go, and LinZ just doesn't go, but it's still great.  I miss gymnastics so much during the year and it feels great when I'm back in the gym.  I'm not strong at all anymore, but I'll get back to it and be able to do everything again.

So all in all, so far so good.  I'm not doing much, and sometimes I'm bored, but I've been keeping myself happy and that's all that matters.

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June 17th, 2008 6:32 pm
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May 28th, 2008 12:13 pm
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming... [
[ mood | exhausted ]

Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I don't want to know.
If I can't see the sun, then maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon.

I heard that song at like 2:00 AM on the way home from the airport and really liked it.  I don't know if I like the guy's voice, but I liked the lyrics.

I'm exhausted.  Definitely could have done without the Disney vacation.

My Version:
I was lightheaded while walking out to the boats to go to MGM but figured I could last a few hours in the park.  While we were waiting I started to feel worse and told Heather that I probably wouldn't stay long and that we needed to eat as soon as we got to the park.  She asked me if I wanted to sit down, I said yes, she grabbed my arm, I blacked out,she called for Jeff, I fainted, hit the ground, was turned over, then put on a bench.

Real Version:
After Heather asked if I wanted to sit down and I said yes, I started to talk in sentence fragments which is when everyone knew there was something wrong.  Heather grabbed my arm to take me to the bench at which point I blacked out and can't remember anything.  She helped me stumble over to the bench and on the way, I head butted a woman in the chest, then walked right into another woman and attempted to swipe the water bottle out of her hand (none of which I remember).  Then Heather started calling Jeff's name and she had my one arm but I went down and fell right on my face on the concrete.  When I hit the ground, I let out a real slow "ooooouuuuuucccccchhhhhh".  (If Heather didn't have my one arm, I would definitely be missing teeth right now.)  Heather then told Taylor to go get someone while she turned me over.  In the mean time, everyone thought we were just a couple of college kids messing around, so some guy came over and asked Jeff if I was dead, then when I wasn't he asked if I was drunk, and when Jeff told him I had fainted, he got worried and helped Heather and Jeff carry me over to the bench.  At that point the boat captain came over and informed us that he called the paramedics and Taylor had come back with ice for me.  I spent the rest of the day in my bed.

When I was sitting in the Orlando airport last night waiting to get on the plane with my three hour delay, I had totally regretted going on the trip.

Now I'm back at home, sitting on my coach, with more of a voice than I have had for the past few days, but still very tired and very sick.  Not fun at all.

I have to get new hair dye.  Should I keep dying it purple, or should I get turquoise?   And how should I cut my hair?

I am already ready to go back to school.  And I miss RA training as weird as that sounds.  I had so much fun with everyone I met and even though August training will be long I at least know that it will be fun.

I feel like I have a cavity on the left side of my mouth and the inside of my left cheek hurts.

I am ready to fall back asleep on my couch.

If I ever go back to Disney, I'm staying at the Yacht Club.

Jeff was an asshole and reminded me of Charlie.

Heather got rejected from Emerson and is staying at Rutgers.  I'm happy but she is not.

I need my job so I can get some new clothes.

Parce qu'il est tourjours ici, je ne veux pas etre avec Rob.  C'est penible, mais il me manque.

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May 18th, 2008 11:30 am
Oh here it goes again... [
[ mood | tired ]

Je pense que je commercerai d'ecrire tout mes journaux en francais parce que Brian ne peut pas lire francais...

Je quitte Rutgers demain et je vais au Disney en jeudi!

C'est tres court, mais j'ai besoin retourner a mes enseignments.

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May 9th, 2008 5:19 pm
it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving... [
[ mood | happy ]


Yup, that's pretty much the only word to describe it. 

Anyway, I'm totally distracted by trying not to study for French, watching Gilmore Girls, and talking to Lauren.

I have completed two exams and only have two more to go.  Trying to make it through.

Heather is out taking an exam right now.

My TV almost did not work for Gilmore Girls today and it would have been the most horrible thing in the world.

I wonder what I'm having for dinner tonight, cause there is no way in hell I am walking to the dining hall in this weather.

So I was facebook stalking today at work, and found out that Brian is not coming home for the summer.  It's weird.  And it kind of sucks cause I wanted everything fixed, guess not.  Validation I was right though...

Spent the night at Rob's last night, and I asked what we were doing this summer, and he said he wanted to keep seeing me and I am beyond happy about it.  I like him a lot.

I have to start packing things to send home.

Rafferty's the other night was amazing.  It was me, Heather, Dan, Kyle, Rob, Adam, and the other Rob.  Our waiter was crazy.  I had great cake, lol.  And then afterwards I stayed up with Heather, Dan and Kyle reminiscing and it was amazing.

Jess is on Gilmore Girls, thank god.  I love Logan, but Jess is better.

So yeah, I have nothing else to say for now...

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